Tuesday, May 13

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Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to curry their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for their wrongs, and there is no favoritism.

I think that most of us who have grown up around the church, or have been followers of Christ for a long time, tend to forget - or at least take for granted - the revolutionary power of the gospel.

Imagine a world where fathers had such absolute power over their families that they could disown, banish or even kill a child without committing a crime. Imagine a world where women were the material property of their husbands and had no legal rights or protection whatsoever. Imagine a world where one third of the population were regarded as slaves.

That was the world of the first century Roman Empire, the world into which the Apostle Paul wrote these words.

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

Here Paul is acknowledging that the gospel transforms the marriage relationship from one of virtual ownership to one of mutual respect and sacrifice.

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

With these words, which sound somewhat basic to us, Paul is revolutionizing his reader’s understanding of family relationships. No longer are children to obey their parents out of fear of punishment, but rather out of respect and love for Christ. No longer are parents, especially fathers, to rely on the power of their position to exact obedience from their children, but rather by loving their children with the love that Christ has for them.

Now he turns his attention to relationships in the workplace.

Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to curry their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for their wrongs, and there is no favoritism.

The word for “slave” here is the ancient Greek word doulos; and it carried a more nuanced meaning in the first century world than it does in our world. Doulos referred more to a class of people than to a slave from Civil War days in America. Historians estimate that up to one-third of the population of the ancient Roman Empire would have been considered doulos, or bond-servants. These people would have been the ancient equivalent of what we might think of as “blue collar” or “migrant” workers. They most likely did not own much property, but depended on working for the more affluent class for their livelihood. In any case, they were people for whom this message would have been revolutionary!
Paul is giving them the revolutionary good news that they do not work for their earthly masters, but for the Lord himself! This is revolutionary because when you know who you work for, and why you are working, everything changes. When you work for a boss that you fear or resent, your motivation is to do what’s necessary and to avoid punishment. You work harder when you know the boss is paying attention. When you work for the paycheck you get at the end of the week, you are a slave to your job and a slave to money.

However, if you work for Christ, the one who created you, loves you, died for you, dwells in you by his Holy Spirit and promises an eternal reward, your motivation is to honor and serve him with your very best. When you work for his glory rather than for a paycheck, you are no longer a slave to your job, your boss or to money, you are free to do your work with passion and joy, whatever the job.

Paul is teaching that the gospel not only changes our eternal destiny through salvation, but it transforms all of our relationships as well. The gospel changes our understanding of marriage; the gospel changes our understanding of family; and the gospel changes our understanding of work.

Simply put, Christ changes everything. 

Pastor Brian Coffey

Monday, May 12

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Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

I never cease to be amazed at how our world continues to affirm things Jesus taught us 2000 years ago! Did you follow the unsavory story of Donald Sterling over the past couple of weeks? Donald Sterling is the billionaire owner of the Los Angeles Clippers, a professional basketball team. A few weeks ago he was secretly recorded making offensive and racially charged comments which subsequently were made public. The result was widespread public outrage. After an investigation into Mr. Sterling’s comments, as well as a number of other issues, he was eventually banned for life from the NBA by the commissioner of the league. The justification for the unprecedented action was not just Mr. Sterling’s racial insensitivity, but his abuse of power and authority in treating his employees with such disrespect.

Jesus speaks to the human tendency to crave position and power; as well as the sin of using authority to abuse others when he said:

“You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave—

Jesus is turning our understanding of authority, leadership and greatness upside down. He is teaching us that true greatness, true leadership, true authority is not using power and position to coerce others into obedient servitude; rather, it is using one’s power and position to serve others and to inspire them to serve in return.

In his book, “Gates of Fire,” author Steven Pressfield tells the story of King Leonidas of Sparta and his 300 warriors who fought the Persians at the famous Battle of Thermopylae. Toward the end of the book, after King Leonidas dies with his troops, one of his servants describes his king with these words:

I will tell (you) what a king is. A king does not abide within his tent while his men bleed and die upon the field. A king does not dine while his men go hungry, nor sleep when they stand at watch upon the wall. A king does not command his men’s loyalty through fear nor purchase it with gold; he earns their love by the sweat of his own back and the pains he endures for their sake. That which comprises the harshest burden, a king lifts first and sets down last. A king does not require service of those he leads but provides it to them. He serves them, not they him.

Jesus said it this way,

“...the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

We are to serve because our King first served us.

Pastor Brian Coffey

Friday, May 9

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For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.  - Ephesians 5:31

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”  - Genesis 2:24

These two passages (the one from Ephesians in the New Testament is quoting the text from Genesis), point us to the essence of marriage from the Biblical perspective.  Embedded in these texts is an assumption that is being seriously challenged in our culture today - that marriage is intended to be between one man and one woman for life.  

The federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), was passed by large majorities in the House and Senate in 1996. It was signed into law by President Clinton and through it, the federal government defined marriage exclusively as the union of a man and a woman.  However, the U.S. Supreme Court has struck down Section 3 of DOMA which prevented the federal government from recognizing marriages of same-sex couples, because it violated the constitution’s “equal protection” promise. It is no secret that there is a growing movement to redefine marriage in order to include same-sex unions in our culture.

More and more social commentators are saying that we have passed the tipping point on same-sex marriage in the United States.  Almost daily another politician or public figure stands before a microphone to declare his or her support. It is easy to feel like the horse is already out of the barn and the cultural paradigm has already shifted.  Whether or not same sex marriage is a politically lost cause, I don't know.  But this is really not the point.   

The fact that as a Christian I may want the government to apply the teachings of Scripture to our civil laws certainly does not mean that it will do so.  In fact, there are a whole host of issues in which this is already the case; abortion, adultery, drunkenness, usury, profanity, pornography, etc. All are legal in our society (some with restrictions), but this does not mean that a Christian is free to engage in them, nor does it mean that I have to agree with them as acceptable behaviors. 

As Christians, we are called to avoid the temptation to think like the crowd and we are not merely to base our beliefs on what’s happening or trending in the culture. 

Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. But that is not the way you learned Christ!    - Ephesians 4:17-20

God’s Word is to be our guide for what is the best way to live and what justice truly looks like. So, as we think through the issue of redefining marriage, the most important question we can ask is, “What does the Bible say?”

This question is important for several reasons.  It is important because of the fact that there are so many other voices in our culture, all shouting that they have the correct perspective on this issue.  We need the anchor of God’s Word to hold us firm amidst all of waves of cultural opinion.  It is also important because as Christians, we believe that marriage has already been defined by God, and His Word does not need redefinition!  It is not for us, nor for any social group or government to change, alter or redefine what God has already made clear in His Word.

The Christian perspective on marriage is not rooted in culture or in church tradition, but in the very creation account itself.  God made man and woman in His image.  “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”  (Genesis 1:27)  The point here is that both maleness and femaleness reflect the image of God.  This does NOT mean that God is a female any more than it means that God is a human male.  God is beyond such gender categories.  When a man and a woman come together in a covenant relationship for life, they reflect the divine nature of God in a very unique way.  This is what the Bible defines as “marriage”.

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”...So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said,

“This at last is bone of my bones
    and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
    because she was taken out of Man.”

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.   - Genesis 2:18, 21-24

From a biblical standpoint, at the heart of our understanding of marriage is that it was designed to be a picture of Christ’s relationship with His bride, the church. Ultimately, it’s not about loving who we want to love, or living how we want to live, or demanding our civil rights as much as it’s about putting the great mystery of Christ’s passionate love for His bride on display.

because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.  - Ephesians 5:30-32

In the final analysis, we must remember that the church’s ultimate mission in the world is not to defeat same-sex marriage.  I think that there are far too many Christians who feel that everything hangs in the balance on this one issue. Let’s keep preaching, persevering, pursuing joy, and loving & praying for people.  The Gospel is the only hope we have for hearts to be made new.  Those who embrace a different agenda or lifestyle may not be persuaded by our point of view, and it is not our job to try and force them to.  Because there is still a God in heaven who can transform lives with His irresistible grace!

Jeff Frazier

Thursday, May 8

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but be filled with the Spirit,  addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart,  giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,  submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.   - Ephesians 5:18b-27

Several years ago I had young couple in my office for premarital counseling and I asked them to read this passage from Ephesians 5 together.  I noticed that when it came to the part about women “submitting”, the young woman refused to read any further.  When I asked her why, she looked straight at me and said through clenched teeth, “I hate that verse, and you will not read that at my wedding!”  

As I got to know this couple over the course of our meetings together, I discovered that this young woman grew up in a family in which her father used Eph. 5:22 as a kind of spiritual club that he used to beat her mother into submission with.  It was a very sad tale of anger, dysfunction, and spiritual abuse.  I assured her that what she grew up with was NOT what the Apostle Paul intended nor what the Bible actually teaches about submission and authority.  It took a lot of time, discussion, and prayer for her to come to see the beauty of God’s plan for a man and a woman in marriage.

In the passage above, the Apostle Paul places the issue of husbands and wives in the context of his teaching on what it means to live according to the Spirit.  Many people read Ephesians 5 and think that Paul changes the subject when he begins to talk about marriage, but it is actually part of the larger discourse on the spiritual life.  In other words, Paul is telling us that if we are filled with the Holy Spirit, and if we live according to the Spirit, then this is what a marriage should look like!

If we want to truly understand what the Bible is teaching here, the place to begin is with the command to be filled with the Spirit (Eph. 5:18b) and the command to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (Eph. 5:21).  These two commands provide the all important context for what the Bible has to say about male and female roles in marriage.  If we get the context wrong, we can be sure that we will get the application of the rest of the passage wrong.  

We have to start with the premise that only when two people are filled with the Holy Spirit and mutually submitted in reverence to Christ Jesus, are they ready to grasp and apply the Biblical model of marriage.

There is no denying that the Bible teaches a clear difference in gender roles.  The man and the woman are not described as having exactly the same role in a marriage.  This is not sexist, this is just true.  When it comes to the “S” word (submission), the Bible does indeed teach that men are given authority over their wives by God.  

Most people make the common mistake of thinking that this passage is talking about who has all of the power in the relationship.  However, when the Bible talks about “male authority and headship”, it is not referring to our cultural understanding of authority where the one in authority uses his/her power to elevate themselves and to assert their own rights.  But in the Bible, authority is only ever given for one purpose - to be used in self-sacrifice and service for the good of the other person!  

The ultimate example of this is of course Jesus Christ (who is called the bridegroom and we are His bride).  Jesus has ultimate authority and power in all of creation. yet He does not use it to force us into submission.  No, He gives up His own divine rights and sacrifices Himself so that we might be blessed!  

 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus; Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.  And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!   - Philippians 2:5-8

Wives - you have been called by God to respect and submit to the man God has joined you to.  He needs your loving respect more than you know, every man desperately wants to know that his wife believes in him.  You must ask yourselves; how can I respect my husband?  How can I let him know that he is “my man”?  

Husbands - you have been given authority by God, but it is given for the purpose of serving and blessing your wife and your family.  You are never to use your God-given authority to get your own way or demand your rights.  You are to lay your very life down for the good of those God has called you to love and serve as a spiritual leader.  You must ask yourselves; how can I give myself up for my wife?  How can I put her needs ahead of my own?

Jeff Frazier

Wednesday, May 7

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Have you noticed that most people in our culture today tend to have a very unrealistic view of marriage?  Some have an unrealistically good view of marriage - like the young couple who, in the very beginning of their very first premarital counseling session said to me, “we really don’t need any of this because we just love each other so much.”   I immediately thought to myself, “that is exactly why you need this!”

Other people in our culture have an unrealistically negative view of marriage in our culture.  They look around at number of their divorced friends and they see so many unhappy and dysfunctional marriages among the people they know, and they wonder, “What is the point?  Why get married at all?”

The Bible is neither naively positive, nor cynically negative about marriage.  In fact, Scripture holds a very high view of marriage, but at the same time, it is honest about the conflicts and tensions that so easily occur between married people.

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure. - Hebrews 13:4

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.  - Colossians 3:18-19

One of the central differences between a Biblical view of marriage, and the prevailing cultural view of marriage has to do with how you define the purpose of marriage.  For many people in our culture (though they may not admit it) the purpose of marriage is to make you happy, to enhance your life through companionship, romance, etc.  This is why so many people view divorce as a perfectly acceptable solution to the problem of their feelings of unhappiness in marriage - if marriage is supposed to make me happy, and I am not happy, then why not simply end the marriage?

Christian author Gary Thomas captures the Biblical understanding of the purpose of marriage in the subtitle of his book Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?

I am increasingly convinced that the surest way to be unhappy in life is to be obsessively focused on your own happiness.  One of the amazing and beautiful ironies of the Christian life (especially in a marriage) is that when you place someone else ahead of you and when you place God above all, you discover that your life is full of a joy that you never had when you were focused on yourself!  The fundamental difference is in the way we view our relationships.  Take a few moments to meditate on this simple chart below that distinguishes the cultural view of “consumer based” relationships, with the Biblical view of covenant relationships.

Consumer Relationships	Covenant Relationships
you are the priority	the other person is the priority
focused on your needs and desires	focused on the other person’s needs
focused on what you are getting	focused on what you are giving
often flare up and flame out quickly	steadily grow deeper over time
insecure and unstable because it could end at any time	secure and stable because of the deep commitment
based on feelings & passions that change and fade with time	based on a covenant promise regardless of how you feel
actually less free & less intimate despite all of the rhetoric	experience more freedom & intimacy because of the covenant security

God forgive us for all of the times we have put ourselves first, protect us from the selfish prison of consumer relationships and grant us your grace to live in covenant relationships with each other and with you - Amen.

Jeff Frazier

Tuesday, May 6

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For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.  - Ephesians 5:31

This verse is not simply an example of beautiful, poetic language. There is a fundamental reality behind this: Husband and Wife are not just two people rooming together. Their lives actually do blend into one another. They actually become one. It is, therefore, true that what hurts the wife damages the husband, and what wounds the husband, hurts to wife too.  It cannot help but do so. If he is bitter toward her, it will eat like a cancer in his own life and heart. That is why, if you have had an argument or squabble with your spouse, you may find yourself unable to focus on your work that day.

In this verse from Ephesians 5, the Apostle Paul is actually quoting straight out of the book of Genesis, from the story of the very first husband and wife (Adam & Eve)... 

The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman’, for she was taken out of man.”  For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.  Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.  - Genesis 2:23-25

This is a remarkable passage because it gathers up the great concepts of marriage that run throughout the Bible. After God finished making woman and Adam slept off the deep unconsciousness into which he had fallen, God brought the woman to Adam. What a scene that must have been!  Here is the first of a very long line of “boy-meets-girl” stories.  Out of this account emerge several factors that are essential to a Christian marriage.

The first is that marriage is to involve a complete identity. The two are to be one. Adam's first reaction when he saw his wife was, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh,” or, “She is one being with me.” This is strengthened in the latter part of verse 24, which adds, “and they will become one flesh.” It is not without reason that this has become part of the marriage service, this recognition of unity. As someone has well said, the one word above all that makes marriage successful is “ours.” 

The next factor that characterizes true marriage is permanence. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” In the Hebrew text is the word devakut, which means “to cling, stick, or to adhere firmly, as if with glue.”  Some older Bible translations use the word “cleave” to translate this concept.  A husband is to leave his family and cleave to his wife. He forsakes all others and attaches himself to her.  Whatever she may be like, he is to hold fast to her. He is to stay with her, and she with him, because marriage is a permanent thing.

Finally, in verse 25, we see read that “The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” This speaks clearly of openness between man and wife. They have no secrets, nothing that they do not share with each other.  This is a high calling, but it is the failure to work toward this kind of openness that lies behind so much breakdown in marriage today, the utter breakdown of communication, where two people can sit and look at one another and say nothing or talk about merely surface trivialities.  Often this is why they are so judgmental with one another, each one trying to get the other to agree and not being willing to allow differences of viewpoint to exist. There is to be a freedom of communication, one with the other. Marriages shrivel, wither, and die when this is not true.

Thank you Oh Lord for the gift of marriage, and for revealing Your perfect plan for the functioning of husband and wife.  Forgive us for abusing this gift and taking it for granted.  Teach us to honor this precious gift of marriage - Amen.

Jeff Frazier

Monday, May 5

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Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.  - Ephesians 5:21

In this single verse, the apostle is dealing with the basic remedy for all the conflicts in our day.  Paul will apply this principle as he discusses the relationship of husbands to wives, which brings in the whole realm of marriage and divorce and the problems that arise there. Then he will take up the matter of children and parents, which brings in the whole issue of juvenile delinquency, causes and what can be done about it. Then he will take up the issue of management and labor. In each case, the remedy is always the same: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

If we have any desire at all to be part of a solution to the issues surrounding us today, we must do so out of an understanding of what God has revealed about the heart of the problem. We must go back to the cause of all human strife. There is no one who has not at some time asked the question, “How can I get the greatest satisfaction out of life? How can I get the maximum expression of my potential? How can I fulfill myself?” It is not wrong to ask these questions because God has put these urges within us, but it is gravely wrong to ask them in this way.

When we ask the questions this way, we are asking as though we were the only person in the world, as though we were responsible for our own self-development. Sooner or later, in my attempts to develop myself and to gain satisfaction, I find myself on a collision course with someone else who is attempting the same thing. I find that my efforts to satisfy myself are continually sabotaged by others who are trying to achieve satisfaction in the same way. I insist on my rights, and others insist on their rights, and so we become obstacles to each other.

But Paul changes the whole pattern for Christians by introducing two radical factors that alter the whole situation. First, the Christian must never forget that in every relationship of life, another person is present: It is not merely a problem of what I want versus what you want. In every relationship, the apostle reminds us, a third Person is present—the Lord Jesus Christ.

That brings us to the second matter. When I am at odds with another person, to see that Christ is there too is to make me aware immediately of what He has taught me. It is only when I forget myself and devote myself to another's fulfillment that I will find my own heart running over with grace and satisfaction. This is one of the fundamental mysteries of life, and it is confirmed to us every day. Those who try desperately to satisfy themselves are the ones who end up hollow inside. Our Lord put it this way: “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it” (Matthew 16:25).

It becomes, then, a question of priority. You cannot have your rights by insisting upon them. You can have them only when you seek to give others their rights. Do you dare to try this radical principle right where you live?

Heavenly Father, thank You for a word that searches me and cuts deep and lays bare and hides nothing. I know that in this sweet surgery of the Holy Spirit there is healing, forgiveness, cleansing, and restoration - Amen.

Jeff Frazier