In his recent "Prayer: Does it make any difference," Philip Yancey begins a chapter with the following quote from R.S. Thomas:
"Prayer like gravel flung at the sky's window, hoping to attract the loved one's attention..."
I wonder if you sometimes experience prayer like that -- because I do. Yes, there are times when I sense the presence of God so fiercely that I can almost feel his breath on the back of my neck. But far more often prayer feels like tossing handfuls of gravel toward heaven hoping for a response. I have long wondered why this is so -- and if others experience prayer in this way -- and, perhaps, if something is wrong with the way I pray.
After more than four decades as a follower of Christ; forty some odd years of praying -- from the simple bedtime prayers of a child, to the self-serving prayers of a young man, to the practical prayers of an adult, to the wordless prayers of a grieving brother, to the pleading prayers of a parent, to the public prayers of a pastor - -I have learned one great truth. And that is that prayer is a mystery.
To think that I can communicate with the creator and sustainer of the universe is both absurd on the one hand and an irresistable urge on the other. To think that God hears my feeble words amidst the great cacophany of this noisy and broken world is equally absurd - and just as irresistable.
Do I understand prayer fully? No, I do not. Do I pray? Absolutely. Do I know how and why God chooses to act on some of my prayers while others seem to go unanswered -- at least from my perspective? No, I do not. Do I continue to ask? Absolutely.
I guess if you push me up against the wall of true confessions and ask me to explain prayer the best I can I would say something like this: "Prayer is wrestling with God in the dark until you feel him wrestling back." That image came to me while reading the story of Jacob wrestling with the divine stranger in Genesis 32 and has stayed with me ever since. Prayer as wrestling with God.
Yancey begins yet another chapter in his book with this quote from Walter Wink:
"Biblical prayer is impertinent, persistent, shameless, indecorous. It is more like haggling in an outdoor bazaar than the polite monologues of the church."
Prayer as throwing gravel at heaven. Prayer as wrestling in the dark. Prayer as haggling at a flea market. Maybe these images help you as they help me - -I hope so. But whatever your experience of prayer has been and is today -- keep praying! Keep tossing gravel. Keep wrestling. Keep haggling. For the God you seek knows what it is to toss handfuls of gravel at us to get our attention -- and what it is to wrestle with us for ownership of our hearts -- and to haggle over the sin that we so readily cling to. But be prepared -- for when God enters the arena of our prayers -- he wrestles and haggles to win. Always.
Pastor Brian Coffey
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