When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked.
“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.
Jesus wept.
Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”
The summer I turned 11 years old I experienced grief for the first time – and I experienced it twice.
First, my grandmother (my mother’s mom – who we all called “Mom-Mom”) died after a short battle with breast cancer. She was 57 years old, which seemed very old to me at the time – but now seems quite young! I have a few memories of being at her funeral – the first I had ever attended – and feeling a kind of confused curiosity. I guess I probably felt sad too, but I think most of the grief I experienced was through watching my mother’s grief over losing her mom.
Second, our family dog, a dachshund-terrier mix named “Sugar,” who had lived with us since I was about 5 years old - was hit by a car right before my eyes on the road that ran in front of the church where our family lived at the time. She had run out across the street – which she never did – and when my father whistled for her (his way of calling her home.) She immediately obeyed and dashed back across the street and right into the path of a car.
I remember that I had to go somewhere with my family that night, but whatever it was we did – my heart wasn’t in it. My heart was torn out and lying in the road where I saw Sugar fall. I can still recall the empty kind of pain I felt right down in the middle of me that night and over the next few weeks. What I know now but didn’t know then is that I was experiencing grief – the kind of grief that comes from great love.
The summer I turned 11 years old I experienced grief for the first time – and I experienced it twice.
First, my grandmother (my mother’s mom – who we all called “Mom-Mom”) died after a short battle with breast cancer. She was 57 years old, which seemed very old to me at the time – but now seems quite young! I have a few memories of being at her funeral – the first I had ever attended – and feeling a kind of confused curiosity. I guess I probably felt sad too, but I think most of the grief I experienced was through watching my mother’s grief over losing her mom.
Second, our family dog, a dachshund-terrier mix named “Sugar,” who had lived with us since I was about 5 years old - was hit by a car right before my eyes on the road that ran in front of the church where our family lived at the time. She had run out across the street – which she never did – and when my father whistled for her (his way of calling her home.) She immediately obeyed and dashed back across the street and right into the path of a car.
I remember that I had to go somewhere with my family that night, but whatever it was we did – my heart wasn’t in it. My heart was torn out and lying in the road where I saw Sugar fall. I can still recall the empty kind of pain I felt right down in the middle of me that night and over the next few weeks. What I know now but didn’t know then is that I was experiencing grief – the kind of grief that comes from great love.
Notice that even though Jesus knew Lazarus had died, when he saw the grief of the sisters, and upon seeing the burial place of his friend, he wept. As a child, I liked this verse (John 11:35) because it was the shortest verse in the Bible – and easy to memorize! But as an adult, I love this verse because it tells me that grief is a precious and even holy thing. Even Jesus, the Son of God, who knew he would raise Lazarus from the grave with one word from his mouth, wept at the loss of a friend!
Sometimes, at a funeral or visitation, I will hear people comment when a widow or family does not appear to be openly grieving, “They are so strong.” And while I know what they mean – I don’t think that the absence of tears is necessarily a sign of strength. Jesus’ tears teach us that grief is the result of love, and great grief is the result of great love! When we lose someone we love, it is good, right and healthy to grieve - for grief honors love. In fact, when people struggle to grieve, it is usually because there is something tangled up in the relationship that complicates and inhibits grief – like anger, bitterness or conflict.
Death is real; death is painful; death brings grief – all this is true. This story teaches us that our grief not only honors love – but it also honors God, who created us in his image with the capacity to love. Take a few moments to think about the losses you have experienced in your life. Have you been able to fully grieve those losses? Is it possible you are carrying the pain of unresolved grief in your heart? If so, ask God to walk with you through the depth of that pain – and to allow you to grieve as love deserves. Ask the Holy Spirit to provide you with his comfort, peace and healing as you grieve.
Pastor Brian Coffey
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment