Tuesday, April 17

To download an audio version of this, click here. 

Proverbs 22:6

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

Ephesians 6:1-4

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” – which is the first commandment with a promise – “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Have you ever heard the story of a man named Marv Marinovich and his son Todd? Surely some of you who are sports nuts will remember, but even for those who couldn’t care less about sports the story is instructive.

It’s a very long and sad story, but here it is in a nutshell. Marv was a fine college athlete, playing football at the University of Southern California in the early 1960’s. He was so passionate about the game that he was voted “Most Inspirational Player” by his teammates at USC. After college he eventually was hired by the Oakland Raiders of the NFL as one of the first “strength and conditioning” coaches in pro football.

When his son Todd was born, Marv decided that his son would grow up to be the greatest quarterback the world had ever seen. He began his son’s physical conditioning at the age of one month – by stretching his hamstrings and later taught him to do push ups before he could walk.

As Todd grew up he was never allowed to eat a Big Mac or an Oreo cookie. When he went to birthday parties he took his own cake and ice cream to avoid sugar and refined white flour. Eventually Marv gathered experts to work with his son on every aspect of his physical development – speed, agility, quickness, body control, nutrition – even his eyesight. Nothing was left to chance.

And it worked – sort of. Todd became the number one high school quarterback prospect in the country. He became a star at his father’s alma mater, USC. He was drafted into the NFL as a “can’t miss” prospect.

But behind the perfect body and amazing athletic skills was a young man who needed emotional and spiritual coaching as well as football coaching. Eventually Todd succumbed to  a weakness for alcohol and drugs that had begun in high school. By the time he left college Todd was a full blown addict and alcoholic and those issues eventually cost him his professional football career after less than three seasons. Since then Todd has been arrested multiple times, done time in prison, and been through multiple rehabilitation programs in an effort to find sobriety.

Now, as a guy who enjoys sports and as the father of athletic sons, I cringe when I read the Marinovich story. I cringe because I know I have a little Marv Marinovich in me, and I think that maybe we all do in some way. After all, it’s a “dog-eat-dog” competitive world out there and if our kids are going to be successful they have to be prepared! We want them to have every chance to develop their God-given talent to the fullest degree possible. So we sign them up for T-ball when they are 5; and for dance classes at 6; and for piano lessons and on and on.

The truth is we live in a performance-based culture and we all know it. We know that the best athletes make the team and the brightest kids get the college scholarships so we want to do everything we can to help our children achieve. The problem with our culture, of course, is that it is grace-less. Our culture is competitive and highly judgmental. Those that don’t keep up are left behind. Those that don’t excel are disregarded. Those that don’t win are losers. So the pressure to conform to what our culture deems acceptable and successful is immense.

The ancient writer of the Proverbs says:

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

This verse is often somewhat misunderstood. It is easy to assume the writer is telling us that there is a “good way” and a “bad way” and so long as we parents teach our children the “good way” everything will turn out well in the end. While there is certainly some truth to that assumption, the meaning of the Proverb isn’t quite so simple. The language used implies that parents are to help a child discover his or her road – that path he or she was created to follow. This would include a knowledge of God’s truth, the way of righteousness, but also a growing awareness of their own unique “bent” as human beings. As one writer puts it, “We are to honor God’s creation of this one-of-a-kind individual by adapting our training to his or her characteristic manner.”

In other words, one size does not fit all. Some children are artistic, some are more academic, while still others are athletically inclined. Some are strong-willed while others are compliant. One child responds to being challenged, another needs to be nurtured.

So, as parents, how do we do it? The answer, in short, is grace. Grace is that which allows a child the freedom to be unique, to be different. Grace is what allows a child to know  she is loved unconditionally whether or not she gets straight A’s in school. Grace is what allows a child to know he is of immeasurable value to God whether or not he can throw a baseball or punt a football.

I think this is what Paul is trying to teach us when he writes:

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Are we to teach our children right from wrong? Yes! Are we to teach our children the truths of God’s word in hopes they will come to understand and accept those truths as their own? Yes! But we are to do so without “exasperating” our children. In other words, we are to do so with grace! We are to teach and instruct them while simultaneously understanding who they are and how they are uniquely designed by God.

For those of us who are parents, we need to understand that grace is the soil in which children can grow into all that God has created them to be. For those of us who do not have children, we need to understand that God’s grace is the soil in which we can grow into all that God created us to be!




Pastor Brian Coffey