Matthew 6:14-15
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Back in the days when we used lots of babysitters, two of our sons got into a spat of some kind right while we were giving a new babysitter her instructions for the evening. Most parents of young children can recall moments like that! You really would prefer that your kids be on their very best behavior when a babysitter comes over, especially if they are from the church! But that didn’t happen on this particular night.
So we did our best to try to help our boys resolve their conflict so we could leave the house in relative peace for the sitter. We wrapped it up by insisting that both boys make a personal statement of apology and then follow that with an expression of forgiveness. Not really a big deal, we just wanted them to learn to say, “I’m sorry,” and “I forgive you.”
After the last little voice choked out his, “I forgive you,” the babysitter, who was a high school student, said, “Wow, that would never happen in my house!”
While I think she meant it as a kind of joke, when I thought about it later, I realized that if it was at all true, it was a very sad thing to say.
In what is to me one of his most difficult teachings, Jesus actually links our willingness to forgive others with God’s willingness to forgive us.
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Even as I read these words today, I find them very difficult to read and accept. Jesus is commanding us to forgive others. Furthermore, he is saying if we do not forgive others, we cannot know the forgiveness of God himself!
I believe we often think of forgiveness as “optional.” That is, when we have been hurt by someone, we assume we have the right to our hurt and pain. We assume that because it was someone else’s fault in the first place and we have the right to feel what we feel – which is, of course, true. But then we also tend to assume that we can hold onto these feelings as long as we want because they are “ours” – and then we end up building our “trophy room” of pain. We know that forgiveness is a good thing and that we probably should forgive sooner or later, but we think of it as our option, that forgiveness is somehow above and beyond what can be expected. We tell ourselves that maybe someday we will forgive when the pain subsides.
But that’s not what Jesus teaches.
Jesus is teaching that forgiveness is not optional. Jesus is teaching us that we must learn to forgive. Jesus is commanding forgiveness. Why?
I think Jesus commands forgiveness for three reasons. First, because he is willing to forgive us. From the cross he said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” He says to us, in effect, “If I am willing to forgive those who put me on the cross, you need to be willing to forgive those who have hurt you.”
Second, Jesus commands us to forgive because he knows that failure to forgive produces a bitterness of soul that is eventually destructive in us.
Thirdly, Jesus commands forgiveness because he knows that forgiveness produces freedom and joy.
Sometimes we think that forgiving others only helps them feel better about whatever has happened. But the truth is, the biggest beneficiary of my forgiveness is me!
Ask God to help you experience the freedom and joy that come with forgiving others.
Pastor Brian Coffey
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