Monday, April 30

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Monday

If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.  - Matthew 18:15

Love is the supreme value in the kingdom of God.  In Matthew 22 Jesus said that love for God and love for others are at the heart of all of the commandments in Scripture (Matt. 22:36-39).  Anger and unresolved conflict block out love.  There is probably no greater challenge to spiritual growth than how you handle anger and conflict.

When someone says or does something that upsets you, what’s the first thing you do? Now, just to be clear, I’m not asking you Mother Teresa and St. Francis of Assisi types who write “Thank You” notes with a gift certificate enclosed to the people that irritate you. I am asking normal people—what’s the first thing you do? Yeah, you walk down the hall or shoot off an e-mail or make a call and tell a friend, “I am so mad at so & so!  You will not believe what he/she just did!” (Now, if you’ve really got problems, you tweet about it, or you post it on facebook for the whole world to see…but that’s another issue.)  Just to be clear, being normal is, well…normal…but it’s not an excuse to sin. Jesus said before you text or e-mail or call or walk down the hall, go to the person who has hurt you and tell them!

Let’s try to be as clear as we can about how to apply this teaching of Jesus by asking three questions about confronting someone who sins against you.

First - Who should be confronted?  Notice that Jesus says, “If a brother (or sister) sins against you”.  Jesus is telling us how to handle confrontation between fellow believers in Christ.  This is not a license to go start pointing out all of the sin in the lives of those outside of the family of God.  Jesus also says that we are to confront a brother or sister who sins against US.  In other words, we confront those whose sin directly effects us, not necessarily those we whose sin we hear about from the gossip of others.

Second - Why confront at all?  It is natural for us to think that we really have no right to confront someone else when we have so many problems of our own.  We may be tempted to think that it is really not our place, and easier thing would be to just leave it alone and go on about our business.  Jesus tells us that the reason we confront is for the good of the other person, “if he listens to you, you have won your brother over.”  We must never confront another person out of anger or desire for retribution, but always in love and with a desire for their restoration.  In fact, it would not be a stretch to say that if we are unwilling to confront a fellow Christian about the sin in their life, then we really do not love them. 

Third – How should we confront? Jesus instructs us to do two very simple, but very important things: “GO and SHOW (the person who sinned against you) his fault, just between the two of you.”  This is so simple, and yet it is so seldom followed.  If you are holding a hurt or a grudge or some anger toward a brother or sister in Christ because of something they said or did – GO TO THEM!  Go to them, go directly to them, do not call your small group, do not ask 10 friends to “pray about it”, do not pass go, do not collect $200, just go straight to that person!

Can you imagine how life would change if we actually did this?  How many rumors would stop flying?  How many bitter misunderstandings would be avoided?  How much bitterness would melt away?  How many grudges would be gone?  How much resentment would recede?  How much anger would be dissipated?  How much jealousy would disappear?  Just obeying this one verse would change our lives!  So, here’s my challenge to all you regular people (relatively speaking, of course): DO Matthew 18:15!  Actually follow the teaching of Jesus in this area of your life.  Trust Him, trust that He knows what is best for your heart and for the heart of the person who wronged you, and do what He says.

Jeff Frazier