Ephesians 6:1-4
Children, obey
your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor
your father and mother”—which
is the first commandment with a promise— “so
that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
Fathers,
do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in
the training and instruction of the Lord.
Many years ago I had a
conversation with an adolescent boy that I never forgot. He had been coming
around to our youth ministry for a year or so even though his parents did not
attend our church. He was a nice enough kid but there was something about his
demeanor that just seemed a bit sad. Eventually he joined a week long summer
trip with some 30 other high school students. One evening part way through the
trip I joined a group of students, including this young man, for some pizza. At
some point the conversation turned to parents which captured my attention because
I had just become a parent myself. Most of the students spoke positively about
their relationships with their parents while simultaneously laughing at some of
their foibles.
This particular young man said
nothing at all until he said this, “My old
man loves his lawn more than he loves me.”
The whole group went silent as he
went on to describe how his father invested time and energy in making sure his
lawn was lush and green but seemed to care very little about what was happening
in his own son’s life.
I think this is part of what Paul
had in mind when he wrote:
Fathers,
do not exasperate your children...
The
word translated here as “exasperate” has also been rendered as “provoke to anger,” or, “make resentful,” or
even, “make bitter.”
So
how do parents exasperate, provoke, or embitter their children?
I
think parents exasperate their children when they withhold their love by
failing to pay attention to the hearts of their children. I think children
eventually become resentful when their parent’s love is conditional upon their performance. Children
are provoked to anger when parents are unreasonable in their demands; or
especially when parents expect children to abide by a higher standard of
behavior or character than they, themselves are willing to demonstrate.
Notice
that Paul doesn’t just
leave parents with a warning about what not to do, he also gives direction
about what parents must do.
Fathers,
do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in
the training and instruction of the Lord.
Two
things are important here. First, notice that if children are already “exasperated” in
some way it will be almost impossible to teach them about spiritual things. If
our children are hurt and angry they will find it very difficult to hear what
we have to say about God and faith. Second, the best way to bring our children
up in the “training and instruction” of
the Lord is to live in such a way as to demonstrate the joy and grace of the
Christian life.
In
Galatians 5 Paul writes:
But
the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. (Galatians 5:22)
If
we put all this together I think we see that children have a much better chance
to know and follow Christ when they see
the fruit of the Spirit at work in the lives of their own parents.
If
you are a parent or hope to become a parent some day, remember that the best
spiritual training manual your kids will ever see is you.
Pastor
Brian Coffey
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